Nightmares
by jenuinetears
Summary: AU. 21 year old Mikan Sakura starts getting nightmares of her high school sweetheart Natumse Hyuuga, who went missing on graduation night and is now presumed dead, telling her to commit suicide. Are these just dreams, or is something else at work? M/N
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

Hello peeps!

Summary: AU. 21 year old Mikan Sakura starts getting nightmares of her high school sweetheart Natumse Hyuuga, who went missing on graduation night and is now presumed dead, telling her to commit suicide. Are these just dreams, or is something else at work? M/N

Warning: Has some dark themes, mentions of suicide and death, and language.

Disclaimer: Not mine! It's all Higuchi.

~(-)~

Chapter 1: The Beginning

~(-)~

_Sometimes… life is a curse that you cannot break free from. It holds you in its constricting grip, making everything and everybody seem like they're against you. Friends seem to be enemies; enemies are each deities of hate. There's a point in it where life changes from fun to ridiculing. Nobody seems to understand you, nobody wants you, everybody hates you… why is it this way? Can you escape? Is there a way to break free?_

_Is it to end your own life? _

~(-)~

"Holy shit."

A young brunette woman sat upright in her bed, with ragged breathing and sweat slicking her face. Tendrils of hair stuck to each side of her head, and the rest was in a mess of brown knots. Large, doe-like brown eyes pulsed and flashed in shock at what she'd just been dreaming about. His red eyes, blazing yet cold at the same time. Black hair only down to his neck, the hairs she used to clutch when he held her close. Emotionless voice as he spoke, chilling her until she felt like she was in the ground, a decaying body.

"It was that dream again."

Ignoring her horrible physical appearance, the young woman tiptoed off her bed, pale pink nightclothes still on. Out her bedroom, into the kitchen she went. The brunette turned on the dimmest light next to the sink, got a mug and poured herself some water.

But the cool liquid on her lips didn't soothe her at all. Inside, her mind was in turmoil. Her head swam with images of _him_, so long ago in the days of high school, yet the image of him always stayed clear.

"Mikan?"

Another figure emerged from the hallway, a barely awake women the same age as the first with short, cropped raven black hair.

She walked straight over to the brunette and say down onto the chair next to her. Instantly she looked into Mikan's eyes, studying her.

"It was those dreams again."

It wasn't even a question, she just knew.

"Yeah. It was them again."

Awkward silence.

"What happened this time?"

Mikan sighed, burying her head in the crook of her bent elbows on the table while keeping her eyes out.

"It was even worse than before, Hotaru. _He_ was speaking to me, telling me how life was horrible and that I should…"

She shuddered.

"…do what, Mikan?"

Her large eyes, innocent as when they were children, peered at her. She couldn't lie.

"C-commit s-suicide, Hotaru."

Her eyes disappeared into her elbows too, and sobs racked her body as she cried. Even though she was twenty-one years old, the brunette was overly sensitive and cried a lot. Not that she was crying for no reason- there were reasons. Reasons that could be fatal.

"Mikan, get a _hold_ of yourself."

Hotaru's voice rang full with harsh, stiff command. She was right, of course; it wasn't good to grieve your life out. The words she spoke were so similar to back when the two were younger, when Mikan herself had dreaded waking up each morning to see harsh reality greeting her. Because one man had been ruining it for her, making her cry more tears than everybody else in her life combined could. But then he would always cover it up with soft caresses and kind words that he said only to her. Yet she always feared the pain.

"He's been missing for five years. He's _dead_. Natsume can't possibly be not dead. He can't bother you from the realm of the no longer living. The Natsume you've been seeing in your dreams is a figment of your own imagination."

The black-haired beauty stood up, preparing to go back to bed because she thought that the woman next to her was a lost case.

Her actions of going away were halted when the brunette latched onto her sleeve and looked up at her with eyes full of pain.

"Those are lies, Hotaru! He isn't dead! Why would I get these dreams so suddenly, for no reason at all, if he were dead? I've never even contemplated suicide or any of this nonsense before they started. As for he himself, the investigators found no evidence to support that he'd died! Only a vanished person who left without a trace."

Mikan nearly didn't look sane in her craze to prove that her ex-lover wasn't just another murdered person.

"Why would he leave us? He told you that he loved you the night he disappeared."

Hotaru's tone was cold as ever, but in her eyes you could sense that she was trying to help Mikan, keeping her safe from the pit of pain she was near falling into.

"He wasn't murdered, or anything like that! I don't know why my Natsume left, but it was for a reason! He isn't the type of guy to just run off to escape from his fears."

Hope. It still lurked around in her expression and heart, it never went away for even a second.

"Why would he disappear if he truly loved you?"

Hotaru instantly wanted to take back those words.

…_I just went too far._

"!"

Mikan recoiled from Hotaru's hand, more tears already falling under the swollen area underneath her eyes. It's been said that for some people, they use up their tears in grief for another, and that they don't have any more tears to cry. But for Mikan, her sadness for the loss of Natsume in her life only makes more salty droplets able to fall. Her ability to cry will never dissipate; her need to do it will never subside; the amount of tears able to be made in her tear ducts is limitless.

But Mikan started trembling while looking down. When she looked up, Hotaru expected her to be crying even more. But instead, she found a smiling young woman with traces of tears down her cheeks but no more coming out, not melancholy at all, just optimistic and bright than ever.

"It's fine, Hotaru. It was just a dream. I just overreacted a bit. You can go back to bed now; I'll be down in a sec."

If a total stranger was looking at Mikan, they wouldn't have suspected anything. But Hotaru had known Mikan longer and better than anybody else in the world cared to, and she knew that she was just hiding her hurt like always, not wanting to affect other people.

"Mikan…"

The brunette smiled grimly then walked away, back into her own room.

"I'll be going back to sleep now, Hotaru."

That was a lie. Mikan Sakura didn't sleep for another second that night. She drooped a little, sure, but always pulled herself back up in fear that the nightmare would come back to haunt her. Her body was fragile looking that night, as she held her knees to her chin, and rocked back and forth ever so slowly in the delicate moonlight. Only one word came out of her mouth during her vigil.

"Natsume…"

~(-)~

I hope that my first Gakuen Alice story isn't too bad. It's the darkest multichip I've created so far on . Cheers! Or not.

Oh, and the "!" dialogue in there was just an expression of shock for Mikan. You know how in manga a shocked person might have some vertical exclamation points next to them? That's what was here.

Please review! I love every single one I receive, even criticism and critiques!


	2. Chapter 2: Being Strong

Hello peeps!

Summary: AU. 21 year old Mikan Sakura starts getting nightmares of her high school sweetheart Natsume Hyuuga, who went missing on graduation night and is now presumed dead, telling her to commit suicide. Are these just dreams, or is something else at work? M/N

Warning: Has some dark themes, mentions of suicide and death, and language.

Disclaimer: Not mine! It's all Higuchi.

~(-)~

Chapter 1: The Beginning

~(-)~

_Liquid, pouring down her face in thick streams, down her face, dropping onto her shirt and neck at an unsteady pace. Her beating heart, mercilessly fast, almost as if it wants to break free from her chest._

_Bright eyes, peering out, but seeing nothing. Just black, pure dismal black, but not calming; it only heightens the terror and fear. Is this what it is to be blind? But something tells her it is not, it's more like a blindfold is over her eyes, preventing light from reaching her thirsty pupils. But there isn't a blindfold, nothing is covering her eyes, but there is the feeling of suffocation. Something is so wrong, she can sense it, there's a pure feelings of __**d e a t h**__ that won't go away, there's a stench of __**w r o n g n e s s**__ that lays in the air like a blanket, and nothing can stop that rising bar of __**t e n s i o n**__ trapping her in midair._

_Then there's a steep drop, and she's falling. Her arms rise slowly to touch the air, fingers wrap around nothing as her body falls into a pit that's bottom is so far away. All that liquid is flying off her face, fast, it's all running away…_

_There's a flash. There are __**h i s**__ eyes hanging in the air, right before her, and then vanishing as she drops. And then her back reaches the floor of the pit, and she breaks apart. Her head is in one place; her legs are gone to another. But her body is intact. It's her soul that is breaking._

_He's standing before her eyes again, all of him, not just his eyes. His hair flies in nonexistent wind, his voice reaches her even though he is several feet away._

_You should be dead by now._

_Regular people don't last this long._

_I knew you were special._

_But this isn't right._

_**This isn't right.**_

_Please, just go away already._

_Please, just forget about me._

_Please, just…_

_Please, just, just…_

_**M I K A N ! ! ! !**_

~(-)~

She woke up, breathless as ever. Even though this has happened many times, it doesn't get less scary. In fact, some might say that is just gets scarier. Because the dreams just get worse, and worse, and worse.

Her hand strokes her cheek as she recalls the dream. His voice. For the first time, it had sounded desperate, not cold. And a trace of tenderness that lurked behind, buzzing in her mind told her that he didn't want her to die because he wanted her gone.

It sounded as if he was trying to get rid of her before something else came.

And she remembered something else he had said.

_Regular people don't last this long_.

What did he mean by that? By comparing to other people, it meant that he had done this to others, or knew people that had.

What was going on?

Mikan sat up straighter in bed, upright as a stick. Even though it was one in the morning- the clock read 1:03- she felt wide awake. Thinking about the dream she'd just gotten out of, reliving it- it woke her brain up, it worked even better than water.

She closed her eyes again, remembering him.

His black hair around his face, his red eyes, his smooth skin on his hands as he cradled her face.

They met as children. They didn't like each other then, she was too happy, too naïve, and he was too cold, too negative, he knew too much.

But then as time passed, they became friends. They understood each other; they learned from each other, they protected each other.

She never thought of them being more than that until they were.

"_N-Natsume- what are you doing?"_

_She was about to say more, but her words went away when he kissed her, unexpectedly and without warning. Mikan didn't react in her shock. The moments went by slow as she realized what he was doing. Kissing her, more tenderly than she'd ever imagined a kiss could be. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to him, a gesture, a hug._

_And then he was away, and she missed him already._

"_I love you."_

_He didn't look at her directly, only looked away and on the ground, anything that wasn't her._

"_I've loved you for a long time."_

_Finally he looked up, eyes ablaze with something that she'd never seen before._

_Then there was silence, she couldn't say anything, wouldn't anything, because there was nothing to say. She just lifted up her fingers to gracefully go across her lips._

_He took that as a response, and held her close, her head in the crook of his neck._

"_I didn't think that we could ever be this."_

"_I've always known it."_

But it had been so short. One week, there had been one week of happiness, one week of bliss, one week where they thought that it would last forever, that every minute that flowed by would last an eternity.

It didn't.

It all came to a screeching halt when he disappeared.

"_Mikan, have you seen Natsume?"_

"_Not since yesterday at the graduation party, no… why?"_

"_He's gone."_

"_What?"_

He had disappeared. There was no trace of him; it was as if he'd been wiped from the world. They searched. They searched _everywhere_. But there was no finding him or anything that led to him- it was a cold case.

And it just got colder. Years went by, spent trying to get a steady job because she wasn't smart enough for college, and no sudden evidence appeared. She got a job working at a middle-class restaurant that provided enough money for her. They rented an apartment, Hotaru and Mikan, and it worked out. And even then, when she was just starting to get comfortable, nobody came running to the police claiming to know something about Natsume's disappearance. It was not spoken of, but everybody assumed him dead.

She hoped so hard in her heart that somebody would learn information about where he had gone. Because she knew that he was alive, _he just had to be_. He'd been a continuous existence for much of her life. He couldn't just be _gone_.

And then the nightmares started.

They all thought that it was just a short little thing, created when she got desperate to keep a hold of him. But the weeks all piled up, and it was no use denying that something was happening.

The dreams were simple at first. Every single time, she was sitting in a pure white room, she sat in a spotless chair, and she heard his voice telling her to do bad things. He told her to cut herself. He told her to think of how lovely it would be. He said that it was what she was meant to do.

But the peaceful way he told her to hurt herself didn't last long. In the time of a month, he'd changed from politely asking her to maliciously whispering in her ear, telling her things that chilled her to the core.

And the room got darker as he got more frustrated. At the beginning, the walls were shining white, so bright that it hurt her eyes. And then there were splotches of grey splattered on the wall, and more, and more, and soon the whole room was smooth ebony, but it got even worse than that to a nightmarish shade of complete black that was just utter darkness. The walls faded out, and soon she wasn't sitting in the chair, she was being held somewhere, stretched into different positions that pained her, sometimes she lost her vision, of hearing, or sense of self. And sometimes it made her lose control all at once, like she was a toy.

Just recently the blood had started coming. She felt it on her face; felt it all around her, like it was an ocean of blood; felt it spraying around her in jets as if it was alive.

And it was _his_ voice telling her all this. His voice, something that couldn't be duplicated. She knew that it was him saying those words.

But now, he was telling her to commit suicide, straight out. There was no covering it up.

She never stopped being horrified. It was something you couldn't get over.

It had only been two months, but it felt like a lifetime.

But no matter how much hurt it caused, she wouldn't give up, she knew that. Her own life was something precious that she did not want to throw away.

There was a more important reason, though. The _real_ reason.

Truth was, she wanted to find out why he was doing this to her.

She didn't believe that these nightmares, these horrible steeds, were created in her mind. Mikan believed that someone was causing them, and that there was some way to stop them.

These two situations seemed to be connected. Natsume disappeared. And then, when she was still grieving, she started receiving horrible dreams that told her to commit suicide. _In. His. Voice._

Today, she didn't cry. She wouldn't cry anymore. She needed to be strong in order to find out what was really happening.

She was going to find out the reason for his disappearance.

~(-)~

Well, sorry for the long wait in updating this and adding the chapter. I'm been busy working on my other works.

I may not update this for a long time, I warn you. I really want to finish one of my other stories, _Huntress_, and to focus on that before doing this, because that's my main priority.

See you when I update!

Also, as a note, I'm sorry if the grammar or whatnot is a bit off in this chapter. I wanted to post this before I go on a short trip for a few days.

If you noticed the overuse of she/he, that style was intentional.

Please review. All reviews are appreciated, whether they are positive, negative, or just plain odd. =) Thanks for reading.


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